


Falling Right In

by Masterofpretending



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur is an idiot, Denial, Idiots in Love, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Sexual Frustration, gaius and morgana are the only reasonable people here, merlin is a sad little puppy, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-29 16:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofpretending/pseuds/Masterofpretending
Summary: ‘I'm not having feelings for Arthur’Merlin had repeated this mantra the entire morning. Each step he took around the endless castle hallways had been a step in which he reminded himself that everything was normal. Everything was normal and he hadn’t started his day off with pleasuring himself to the image of his best friend.





	1. Chapter 1

Skin against skin. Warm lips against the end of a palm. Open mouths begging for touch, begging for each other. 

Merlin let his fingertips carefully outline the structure of muscles under Arthurs shirt. He could feel his own hands brush up against the light fabric but he could also feel Arthurs heartbeat, like electricity under the soft skin.

 

“Oh take the bloody shirt off Merlin, or so help me god,” The prince muttered, sounding out of breath. 

 

“Demanding are we?” Merlin laughed yet proceeded to swiftly take off his friend’s shirt, tossing it to the floor. 

 

They closed the distance between each other, their bodies reuniting in a tangled hot mess of desire and feelings which had gone undealt with far too long. Merlin let his slim fingers find their way up his friends neck, then further up to his summer bleached locks of hair. He tugged slightly and instantly felt Arthurs moan against his lips. He wasn't sure if it was a moan of pain or pleasure but soon figured it was the latter as Arthur hungerly pushed him against the wall, his firm hands placed on Merlins hips, keeping him steady. 

 

“I want you so badly,” Merlin heard himself whisper, not sure if the words had actually been spoken out loud or if they were mere thoughts. 

He craved Arthur more than he wanted to admit and he couldn't stand the absence of the other man’s body interlocked with his any longer. To his surprised Arthur let out a laugh. Not a small laugh suited for intimate moments between lovers but a laugh from one foe to another. A taunting laugh. 

 

“Ah Merlin…” The prince managed to huff out between giggles, “You are not gonna like this when you wake up.”

 

“Huh?”

  
  


~~~~

  
  
  


Merlin woke in a state of utter confusion, the dream slowly slipping away, leaving him alone in his bed. He felt as if he’d catched a fever but quickly realized it was an engraving of the scene he’d just stepped out of. He cringed inwardly when playing the memory back in his mind and wished this dream could have been one of the many he’d forget in the morning. In horror he made the further discovery that his body had responded to the dream in other ways than the fever. He groaned and reluctantly lifted his head to look out the window above his bed. 

The stable boys had yet to wake up and give the horses fresh hay, meaning Merlin still had some time before having to tend to Arthurs needs. 

 

_ ‘Not like that, I just have to get him his breakfast _ ’ Merlin rephrased in his mind, laying his heavy head back on the pillow. 

 

He took a deep sigh, trying to clean his mind as he let his hand travel down to his uncomfortably tight trousers. He slipped out of the fabric and let his fingertips touch his naked skin, not too different from the way they've touched Arthurs a mere moment ago. 

He tried resisting stepping back into the comfort of the dream yet felt himself losing the grip of reality with every stroke. It was no longer Merlin's trembling fingers touching himself but instead it was Arthur's steady grip he felt around him. Arthurs hands stroking faster and faster. Merlin let out a involuntary moan as the memory of his friends lips against his consumed his mind. His whole being was begging, no, screaming for that one thing. It became louder and louder as Merlin felt himself coming closer to fulfillment and it escaped him in a whisper as he released himself in a white flash of desire. 

 

_ Arthur. _

  
  


~~~~

  
  


‘ _ I'm not having feelings for Arthur’ _

 

Merlin had repeated this mantra the entire morning. Each step he took around the endless castle hallways had been a step in which he reminded himself that everything was normal. Everything was normal and he hadn’t started his day off with pleasuring himself to the image of his best friend. His best friend who also happened to be the crown prince, the future of Camelot. It had not happened because Merlin could not deal with the implication of it. Not when the entire world seemed to rely on Merlin keeping himself level headed. Not when it was his responsibility to make sure Arthur stayed alive. He couldn't let some stupid dream distract him from what really mattered; staying on the path of destiny. 

 

He knocked three times before opening the heavy wooden door to Arthurs room. As he did every morning he placed the tray of breakfast at the head of the table. Sometimes he wondered why the prince needed such a big table all to himself, he couldn't remember anyone else sharing it with him.

 

“Ahh,” Arthur groaned as he stretched his arms, appearing from his bed chambers, “Morning Merlin”. 

 

His hair was tousled and his blue eyes were still adjusting to the morning sun. He let out a loud moan as he cracked his neck and Merlin could have given anything to sink through the floor. Perhaps there was a spell for that, he thought. 

 

Arthur walked over to the table but stopped hesitantly when he passed his friend. Merlin saw his eyes travel up, studying him with suspicion. 

 

“Is your hair wet?” He snorted. “Did you manage to fall into the lake on your way here?”

 

Instead of waiting for an answer he took a lock of black hair between his fingers, letting a drop of water run down his thumb. Merlin tried going through different scenarios of the appropriate thing to do but, somehow, all of them seemed to end with him closing the distance between their mouths. So, instead he remained still. Arthur smirked like he knew just how much inconvenience he was causing the other man. He flicked the water back at Merlin, some of it landing in a splash on his cheek.

 

“Hey!” Merlin exclaimed as he wiped it away with the fabric of his shirt, treating the water as if it were poison. 

 

“I'm just teasing, no need to be so worked up,” The other man dismissed as he sat down by the table. 

 

“If you must know, I took a bath this morning,” Merlin muttered, “You should try it once in a while, they make you smell like less of a pig.” He added, making Arthur smirk again.

 

“There’s my Merlin, I thought you were broken for a while,” Arthur said and Merlin really wished he could ignore the way his stomach twisted at the words  _ ‘My Merlin’ _ . 

 

“No,” He cleared his throat, “Everything is normal.” 

 

Arthur took a bite of his bread and raised one eyebrow in a look of disbelief. 

 

“How comforting,” He said sarcastically but didn't press the issue further. “I'm going to need my armour polished for the afternoon, I want to do a bit of light training.” 

 

Merlin nodded but groaned inwardly. Everytime Arthur wanted to do some ‘light training’ it somehow ended with Merlin returning home with bruised elbows and the taste of dirt in his mouth.

After Arthur was done with breakfast Merlin cleaned up and, as quick as he could, got out of the prince’s room. His noon was spent polishing armour and avoiding letting the pressing thoughts of the morning surfice again. Every time an image of Arthur appeared he scrubbed the steel harder. 

 

_ His fingernails leaving prints on my exposed back. _ Scrub.  _ His wet mouth finding its way down my neck _ . Scrub.  _ His hands discovering every part of my body _ . Scrub, scrub, scrub.

 

Before he knew it Merlin was done cleaning the armour, faster than ever before. He tried finding a last unpolished spot but to his disappointment found that he’d for once done his job perfectly. Instead he ended up, with a strained expression, stepping out the armoury and heading back to the caste. 

 

_ His thumb brushing against the outline of my lips, tracing the shape. His warm palms against my cheekbones as he kisses me. His mouth crashing into mine, leaving me breathless.  _

 

_ ‘I need to find a distraction.’  _ Merlin thought.

  
  


~~~~

  
  
  


Merlin practically crashed through the door to the room, almost knocking over a very startled Gaius.

 

“What on earth are you running for, you scared the life out of me boy!” He scolded.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Merlin mumbled, “Perhaps I can repay you by sorting your books or something, I could even clean the leach-tank.”

 

Gaius made a ‘hmm’ sound and carefully placed the back of his hand to Merlin’s forehead.

 

“Is that really necessary?” Merlin muttered, crossing his arms. 

 

“If there’s one thing I know about you Merlin, it's that you would never pass up on the opportunity to be lazy,” The old man smiled, pulling away his hand, “So what's the motive this time?”

 

“I just….” Merlin started hesitantly, “I just need to get my mind off things.”

 

“Is Arthur giving you trouble again?” 

 

“You could say that.”

 

Gaius chuckled and put a comforting arm on his apprentice’s shoulders. Merlin breathed out slightly, feeling as if some of the burden had been lifted simply by someone else acknowledging his struggle. 

 

“I know the prince can be…. difficult, but he cares for you,” Gaius said and Merlin rolled his eyes, he’d heard this speech a thousand times before. “You and him are-” 

 

“Were like the two sides of the same coin, I know” Merlin interrupted.

 

“I was gonna say,  _ before you rudely interrupted me _ ,” Gaius glared, “That despite everything, the two of you are friends, maybe even more than that.”

 

“More than that.” Merlin repeated, not sure if it was a question or a statement.

 

“You're partners, in fact, the two of you go around saving each other’s lives like it was a day-job.”

 

“Pff,” Merlin huffed, “It  _ is _ his job Gaius, he’s the prince, being a hero is implied.”

 

Gaius smiled but shook his head. He stepped away from Merlin and started stirring whatever potion he had been working on before the boy had crashed into the room.

 

“If you truly believe Arthur just sees you as another servant then perhaps you’re as foolish as he is.” 

 

Merlin stood still, his mind trying, but failing, to decode what Gaius actually meant. 

 

_ ‘Why must people insist on speaking in riddles when i'm trying my best to ensure the future of the world. You would think they’d want to make things easy for me, but no, of course not.’ _

 

“Let's get back to that leech-tank, you said you wanted to help?”

  
  


~~~~

  
  


An hour later Merlin stepped out into the castle hallway covered in leech hickeys and more than ready for a second bath.  

 

“I see someone’s been having too much fun,” A familiar voice taunted him. 

 

Merlin sighed and turned around facing a grinning Arthur. The other man’s hair was now perfectly combed and all signs of sleep in his eyes were gone. Much to Merlins irritation Arthur seemed energized and ready to kick his ass during training. 

 

“I didnt- I haven't,” Merlin stammered, “I helped Gaius with his leech tank.” He explained.

 

“Oh Merlin, you shouldn't kiss and tell,” Arthur teased and lightly touched one of the hickeys with the tip of his finger.

Merlin’s breath hitched as he felt the warm pressure of Arthurs hands right under his cheekbone.

 

“They really got you good,” He stated and Merlin could almost sense a hint of concern. ‘ _ How refreshing.’ _

 

Arthur quickly pulled away his hand, bringing himself back to composure and Merlin sighed at the absence his touch. 

 

“The armour is polished I assume?” Arthur asked in a matter of fact and Merlin couldn't resist to roll his eyes at the formality. 

 

“You think i'd have time getting sucked by leeches if I wasn't done with your armour?” He snarled back.

 

Shortly the pair left for the armoury and for the first time that day everything actually felt normal. Merlin no longer felt consumed by his urge to push their faces together and instead the desire loomed like a silent presence in the back of his mind. The way his body had screamed for Arthur’s touch after the dream had slowly turned into a hushed whisper. What had been revealed in the night concealed itself in the light of day.

 

Merlin helped Arthur getting his armour on, his hands working fast and his eyes trying to focus on anything but Arthur’s face. The work required Merlin to be uncomfortably close to his friend and he found himself rushing through the job in an attempt to keep his strange feelings from reappearing. 

 

Putting on armour had, after a lot of practice, become second nature to Merlin. Bevor, Cuirass, Couter, neck, torso, arms. The routine was carved into his brain after countless ‘light training sessions’ and tournaments. 

 

“Merlin, haven't you forgotten something?” Arthur pointed out just as Merlin pushed the helmet into his arms, the last piece of the armour.

 

“Have I?” Merlin’s eyes searched his friend from head to toe and to his annoyance realized he’d forgotten to fasten the steel neck piece correctly to the rest of the armour.

 

“Give me one second,” He mumbled and now it became Arthur's turn to roll his eyes.

 

Merlin begun fastening the neck piece but increasingly felt himself becoming distracted again. His face was mere inches away from Arthur’s and he could feel the other man’s warm breath on his hair. Merlin gulped, his fingers betraying him as they time and time again attempted, but failed, to fasten the last strap. 

 

“You know Merlin, most people would have learned this by now.” Arthur commented and Merlin could feel the vibration of his words.

 

“Well,” Merlin sighed as he finally managed to secure the last strap of the neck piece, “I'm not like most people, am I.” 

 

“Oh don't pretend to be interesting,” Arthur dismissed like he always did when he secretly became curious about his friend. 

‘ _ Don't pretend to be interesting’ _ was a translation for _ ‘I find you interesting and that annoys me’. _

  
  


~~~~

  
  


“Are you even trying?” Arthur said as he swung his sword against his friend. 

Merlin blocked the blow with the shield but felt himself becoming increasingly tired of being a punching bag. In annoyance he hit back, his sword missing Arthur by a mile. 

 

“That was great,” Arthur praised sarcastically, “If your trying to make an embarrassment of yourself that is.”

 

He struck another blow against Merlin who groaned as the steal hit the shield in a loud bang. 

 

“I feel like the only reason you insist on these training sessions is because you get pleasure from taunting me.”

 

“Nonsense,” Arthur laughed, slightly leaning forward.

 

Merlin saw his opportunity to strike again but the prince was already one step ahead of him. He blocked Merlins attack with his sword and gently kicked his left leg, instantly making the other man fall to the ground in a soft ‘hmph’. 

 

“You’re the worst,” Merlin groaned as he once again found himself defeated. 

 

Arthur gave him a small smile and put down his sword and shield in order to instead offer the man his hand. Merlin took it but hesitated as a mischievous idea started to form in his head. With a grin on his face he pulled Arthur towards him with all the force he could muster. The prince tried, but failed to keep his balance and similarly to Merlin fell to the ground.  

 

“You are so dead,” he shouted as he landed half on the grass and half on Merlin, his head resting on the other man's ribs. 

 

Merlin just laughed, not for a second bothering to conceal his amusement at his friend’s mishap. Arthur tried looking angry but soon couldn't help but join the laughter. They stayed like that, Arthur with his head on Merlin, until the laughter died out. 

They both turned to look at each others as a comfortable silence surfaced between them. It was a moment of serenity and for a second Merlin let himself believe it was perhaps more than that. There was a pull between the two friends, a string joined at their hearts pulling them closer to each other by each breath. Merlin could feel himself leaning into Arthur, their bodies almost colliding, just as in the dream.

 

_ ‘What am I doing.’ _

 

“You really are the worst,” Merlin said and lightly pushed Arthur’s head away from his stomach. 

With that, the moment, whatever it may have been, was gone. Arthur watched confused as Merlin sat up, looking quietly out at the grass. After a second of hesitation Arthur joined him, sitting up beside him without uttering a word. It was strange for them sitting beside one another like this. It was always Arthur sitting down with Merlin serving him and neither of them could think of the last time they’d sat down  _ together _ . In that moment they felt less like a prince and servant and more like Arthur and Merlin. 

 

“Are we friends?” Arthur asked after a bit of silence. 

His usual sarcastic tone was gone and someone who didn't know him might have said he was scared of the answer.

 

“Almost,” Merlin joked, giving him a smile which didn't quite reach his eyes. 

 

“So you would tell me if something was wrong?”

 

Merlin opened his mouth but ultimately stayed silent, this only making Arthur more inclined to question him further. 

 

“You’ve been acting strange the whole day,” He accused, “Strange even by your standards.” 

 

The raven haired boy anxiously tugged at his lip, turning away from his friend’s piercing gaze. 

 

“You cannot tell me something isn't bothering you,” Arthur pressed on, sounding increasingly frustrated. 

 

“Im, I think I…” Merlin hesitated, trying to think of the best way to formulate what he was gonna say next. 

 

His heartbeat had become dethening and he looked down at the grass, still avoiding Arthur's eyes. His hand pulled on a blade of grass similarly to the way Arthur had played with his wet hair that morning. It was soothing.

 

“I think I might have feelings for someone I shouldn't.” Merlin said quietly, his body tensing up in defence for whatever would come next.

He feared the entire world would crumble apart as soon as the words were spoken out loud, however, to his surprise everything remained still. 

 

Arthur didn't say anything and Merlin couldn't help but turn to face him and study his reaction. Would he be angry? Would he fire him or even worse, have him hanged?

But Merlin would soon realize Arthur didn't seem angry at all, in fact he seemed… happy? His expression was radiant as he looked at Merlin with a knowing grin. He still didn't say anything but Merlin couldn't help but let out a laugh of relief. 

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, the ghost of a smile still on his face. 

 

“Because you're in love!” He exclaimed as it was the miracle of the century, “I've never even seen you show interest in a woman before.”

 

Arthur chuckled and gave Merlin a steady pat on his back. It was of those characteristic pats between male friends who only spoke of female anatomy and their ongoing sexual concurers. It should have made Merlin feel reassured, perhaps even normal, but it only made is his stomach feel twisted and cold. 

 

“I was beginning to think you were a plant of some sort but this…” Arthur fumbled for his words seemingly distracted by his own excitement, “This is great Merlin.”

 

Merlin shrugged his shoulders, his smile feeling increasingly strained.

 

“Well, don't look so dismal,” Arthur laughed, giving Merlin a light shove with his elbow. 

 

“Tell me about this girl.”

 

“Erm, you don't know her,” Merlin mumbled, wondering how on earth he always managed to put himself in these situations. 

 

“Come on, don't spare the details, how did she manage to capture your heart?” 

 

Merlins mind was working overtime trying to figure out a way out of the lie. His entire life had been about hiding the truth yet he couldn't manage to think about a single answer to satisfy his friend. So instead he decided to speak the truth.

 

“She's a bit of a prick sometimes,” He begun. 

 

“You have something in common then.” Arthur injected, gaining a dangerous glare from Merlin. 

The prince just smiled but quickly got quiet again, urging his friend to continue. Merlin took a deep breath, letting his fingers reach between the grass.

 

“When i'm with her I can't help but feel happy,” Merlin explained, “And I think of doing things… touching her, kissing her, letting my fingers run through her hair.”  

 

Arthur nodded, his smile gone as the seriousness of the conversation had sunken in. The way Merlin spoke wasn't like a boy with a silly crush but rather a man in love with the unattainable.

 

“I didn't realize what I wanted until today and i'm afraid I might never be able to turn back.” He whispered, the truth of the words breaking him down inside. 

The realization was dooming and Merlin felt his throat tighten up. There was a short silence before Arthur finally spoke, his words uncharacteristically soft; 

 

“Why would you want to turn back?” He questioned, “what's to say she doesn't love you back?” 

 

Merlin shrugged his head, the irony of the situation as tragic as it was amusing. 

 

_ ‘He will never understand. He can never know.’ _

 

“I know I give you a hard time,” Arthur continued, his ears turning a light shade of pink, “But you’re the only true friend I have and if that doesn't count for something then I don't know what will.” 

 

Merlin found himself speechless at that, the words giving him as much comfort as they simultaneously made everything worse. There were so many things he wanted to say; 

  
  


_ ‘There is no woman.’ _

 

_ ‘I want to explain everything but im scared.’ _

 

_ ‘Your an absolute idiot and I think i'm in love with you.’ _

 

Instead he settled for a simple ‘Thank you’ and with that their conversation ended. 

 

The pair parted ways, Merlin sorting the training gear and armour while Arthur returned to the castle to do whatever important business crown princes did. In the loneliness of the empty armoury the magical boy allowed himself to shed a single tear. He did this as he promised himself to never reveal his true feelings for Arthur. 

 

_ ‘It would ruin everything.’  _ He decided. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. All I feel leads back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as Arthur was glad that Merlin finally had found someone, he couldn't ignore the hint of irritation in the back of his mind. 
> 
> “I'm happy for him.” He reassured himself, “There is no reason why I shouldn't be.”

As Arthur left Merlin alone to clean up, his thoughts started wandering about this mystery girl. He’d never seen his friend so raw and open, yet he had a looming suspicion that he was hiding something as usual. Even stranger, as much as he was glad that Merlin finally had found someone, he couldn't ignore the hint of irritation in the back of his mind. 

 

_ “I'm happy for him.”  _ He reassured himself, _ “There is no reason why I shouldn't be.”  _

 

But he couldn't help but return his thoughts to what Merlin had said earlier: 

_ ‘I think of touching her, kissing her, letting my fingers run through her hair.’ _

 

He wondered what this woman looked like, was her hair blonde like his or black like Merlin’s? How did she carry herself? What did her voice sound like? What would it look like when Merlin placed his hands around her waist, leaning down to kiss her? Would her face blush bright red and her hands tremble? Or perhaps she would smirk confidently, tugging Merlin closer to deepen the kiss. 

 

Arthur cursed himself for not torturing Merlin with more questions. He didn't even know the name of this newfound love. And was it not strange he hadn't heard of her before? If this was someone Merlin loved why wouldn't he have told Arthur about her? Why would he have kept her hidden?

 

_ ‘Perhaps I've been so blinded by my duties I haven't even noticed my best friend falling in love’ _

 

Arthur stepped in the castle, his eyes studying every woman he passed, wondering if any of them were the one Merlin had fallen for.

  
  


~~~~

  
  


“I've never seen you so quiet.” Morgana said, pushing her rich, black hair away from one side to the other.

 

Her and Arthur were playing a card game, the pair sitting across from each other with the stacks of cards laid out on the table between them. It had been a while since they played but it was nice seeing as how it was one of the few things they had in common. The siblings were always in a fight about something but all that would be put to the side once they picked up the cards. There was a stillness about the activity, like taking a deep breath in the middle of chaos.

 

“I thought you liked me more with my mouth shut,” Arthur said, wishing the comment would have sounded more like an insult and less pathetic.

 

“I like it when we aren't arguing,” She retorted, picking up a card from the pile in the middle.

 

Arthur gave her a soft smile, feeling as if it was a better way of admitting he agreed than saying it out loud. Perhaps he gave his sister too little credit...

 

“Out of curiosity,” Arthur prefixed, “would you tell Gwen if you were in love with someone?”

 

“Have you gotten yourself in love?” Morgana asked, a flicker of amusement in her eyes. 

 

“This is theoretical,” Arthur insisted, “and it's not about me, it's about Merlin.” 

 

“So he's in love?”

 

Arthur nodded, “He wont tell me with who.”

 

Morgana considered this, the smile on her face seemingly getting wider as she tried hiding her face behind the stack of cards in her hands. 

 

“You think this is funny?” Arthur snarled, trying to get a peak of her from behind the cards.

 

“Stop cheating!”

 

“I'm not!”

 

She laughed, putting her cards, side down, on the table to prevent Arthur from looking at them. 

 

“I just think its peculiar how much this seems to bother you,” She explained, “I mean, let the boy be in love Arthur, it's what boys do.”

 

“You misunderstand me, it's not like  _ that _ .” Arthur said, feeling like he was being portrayed as a horrible friend. He didn't mind his servant having feelings for someone, after all, who was he to tell Merlin what to feel.

 

“I just don't understand where this is all coming from, he never spoke of a girl before.” Arthur explained. 

 

“How surprising,” She giggled, gaining a suspicious look from her brother. 

 

“I just mean that Merlin’s always been…” She continued, struggling to find the right words, “You never really know where you have him, it's like he's living two separate lives.”

 

“You sound like you don't trust him,” Arthur said in a low voice. 

 

He picked up a card from the table and resisted the urge to sigh. He seemed to have especially bad luck tonight, only getting the worst cards imaginable. Morgana studied him closely and Arthur was almost certain she could see through the thin paper cards.

 

“I trust him,” She reassured Arthur, “I just think its peculiar, like I said” 

 

They stayed silent for a while, the cards going back and forth on the table as the game progressed. Arthur was losing, big time.

“Why didn't he tell me?” Arthur finally asked, his words coming out in a whisper without meaning too.

 

Morgana looked down at her cards and Arthur got the itching feeling she knew something she wasn't telling him.

 

“I think that's something you have to ask Merlin,” She said, not meeting his gaze.

 

“Morgana...” Arthur warned.

 

“I don't know more than you do,” She insisted, carefully picking out another card, putting it on the table. 

 

“Why do I feel like that's a lie.”

 

Morgana groaned, “Maybe it's you he's in love with, ever think of that?” 

 

“Don't joke about that,” Arthur dismissed, feeling his stomach twist as he let the idea pass through his mind. 

 

“You’re an idiot,” Morgana sighed, “And a defeated idiot at that.”

 

She pulled out her last card, revealing a heart of aces and with that winning the game. 

  
  


~~~~

  
  


Later that night Arthur found himself in bed, unable to fall asleep. His feet were too cold and his hands were too warm. He turned the pillow around for the fifth time that night and sighed as he let his head sink down in the cool fabric. He closed his eyes, his thoughts running wild as he got closer and closer to falling asleep.

 

_ Why did Merlin keep this woman a secret? _

 

_ When did he decide to fall for her? _

 

_ Why wasn't I enough? _

 

Arthur felt himself slipping away and when he opened his eyes again he was standing in the middle of the dimly lit castle hallway. He walked to his bedroom door and after knocking three times he stepped right in. He heard muffled giggles from inside and was met by two figures in a tight embrace. The couple pulled away and Arthur locked eyes with an unusually flustered Merlin. His lips looked sore and in his arms was a blonde dame glaring at Arthur like a child whom had been taken away their favorite toy.

 

“Do you mind?” The woman sneered. 

Her eyes were the same shade of blue as her seemingly endless dress. Merlin held his hand casually around her shoulders, a clear sign that they were in fact _ one. _

 

“I  _ do _ mind,” Arthur shot back, “This is my chambers and you certainly weren't invited.”

 

“Actually this is Arthur's chambers,” Merlin mumbled, giving Arthur an apologetic look.

 

“That's right darling,” The woman smiled, lovingly tugging at the hand he’d placed on her shoulders. 

 

“ _ Im _ Arthur,” Arthur said. 

 

“Funny,” the woman responded with no hint of amusement,  “we seem to have the same name.”

 

“We do  _ not _ ,” Arthur protested, “Arthur is a boys name, you're fooling no one.”

 

“Am I not?” She said, tilting her head up and giving Merlin a deliberate smile. The servant just grinned back like the oblivious moron he was. 

 

_ ‘Whatever she’s playing at, I don't like it.’  _ Arthur thought, the interaction making him increasingly confused.

 

“Now I suggest you get out of here, unless you want to watch of course.” The woman said, possessively placing her dainty hands on Merlins stomach. 

 

“Watch what?” Arthur asked but as soon as the words were spoken Merlin and the woman were back to passionately kissing.

 

Arthur wrinkled his nose as he watched her devovere Merlin’s face with her lips. The sound of their mouths clashing were making him insane and he turned away, practically running for the door. He pulled the handle but the door seemed completely stuck. He pulled again, then again, then again, each time harder than the next. 

He turned around and saw the woman pulling Merlins shirt open, exposing his ivory skin to the soft light of the open candles. His body was lean and Arthur could see his heavy breathing as the woman started kissing him all over his neck. 

 

_ ‘I really need to get out of here.’ _

 

Arthur pulled the door again and this time it opened. Everything beyond the door was pitch black and Arthur felt himself falling as he took a leap into the piercing darkness. 

  
  
  


~~~~

  
  
  


“Arthur?” Merlin asked, lightly putting a hand on his friend’s bare shoulder. “You were having a nightmare.”

 

The prince felt warm, almost fevery and his body was tense. Arthur sighed, rubbing his eyes as his mind slowly adjusted to reality.

 

“Thanks Merlin, I wasn't aware,” he sighed, laying his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes.

 

“You said my name.” Merlin mumbled, pulling away his hand. 

 

Arthur groaned, shutting his eyes harder, “You heard wrong.”

 

“Alright, well,” Merlin cleared his throat, “Breakfast is ready.”

 

The servant walked away from the bed and Arthur slowly opened his eyes again. He sat up and reached for the shirt beside his nightstand, pulling it over his head. After that he walked out of his bedroom chambers with heavy steps and sat down by the table. 

 

“Gaius could surely get you some sleeping medication if you need it.”

 

Arthur sighed, taking a spoonful of porridge and ignoring Merlin’s suggestion. The dark haired boy huffed, crossing his arms and Arthur couldn't help but notice his unusually messy hair and the dark circles under his eyes.

 

“Perhaps you’re the one who needs to sleep, you look like you've been up all night,” Arthur pointed out. 

 

Merlin looked down at the floor, biting his lip and the prince felt something tugging at his heart. 

 

“Is it because of… what you told me yesterday?” He asked.

 

“It's nothing you need to worry about.” 

 

“Isn't it?” Arthur questioned, putting his spoon back on the table, “Because ever since yesterday you seem distracted, and if its because of this woman-”

 

“I thought you were happy for me.” Merlin interrupted, bringing an uncomfortable silence to the room.

 

“Of course,” Arthur dismissed, “I just don't want this silly thing to affect your work.”

 

Merlin’s face hardened and Arthur immediately regretted his words. 

 

_ ‘How do I always manage to say things in the worst possible way.’ _

 

“No need to worry your highness, I won't let my life get in the way of my duties,”

 

_ ‘Tell him your sorry, tell him you didn't mean it.’ _

 

There was a long silence, then Arthur said, “I need my clothes washed and my boots cleaned.”

 

Merlin nodded but avoided Arthurths look. He took the tray with half eaten breakfast and carried it out despite the fact that the prince hadn't even had the chance to touch his morning tea.

 

“I..” Arthur protested but Merlin disappeared through the door, shutting it with a loud bang, ”...deserved that.”

  
  
  


~~~~

  
  


Arthur had been snapping at people left and right the entire day. He’d told the entire recruitments of new knights that they were ‘incompetent little boys who acted like they’d never held a sword before’. He’d earned some quiet glares after that but he didnt care. It wasn't his fault that everything and everyone were so intolerably annoying. It also didn't help that every second of his free time was infested with the memory of his nightmare or speculations of Merlin’s lovelife. 

 

_ ‘This cannot be healthy _ ,’ he thought, making his way to Morgana’s chambers in hope that perhaps she could give him some clarity, something to untangle the strange situation he was in. 

His sister should have been the last person he would seek advice from however there was few others who really knew him. Well, besides Merlin. 

He wasn't really sure what he was asking advice for, he only knew he couldn't go around constantly angry and on the defense. It was tiring and he needed to find a way to go back to the way things were. He needed to go back to the time before Merlin had opened his stupid mouth revealing his stupid feelings. 

 

Arthur stood outside Morgana's room and was just about to knock on the door when he heard familiar voices inside. He carefully opened the door just enough so that he could peek in, watching the conversation between Morgana and Merlin unfold.

 

“I think he should know,” Morgana whispered but Merlin shook his head. 

“I can never let that happen,” Merlin responded, his voice sounding strained and desperate, “Promise you won't tell him.”

 

There was a long silence and Arthur could see how Morgana took a step forward, pulling the other boy into a warm embrace. Merlin seemed startled at first but soon leaned into the hug, letting his head rest on her shoulder.

“Arthur wouldn't understand,” Merlin mumbled into her hair, “He would never forgive me if he knew who I was really in love with.”

 

_ ‘No, there is no way’ _ Arthur though, feeling his muscle tense up and his heart race.

 

Morgana sighed as she pulled away from the hug. She gave Merlin a soft smile as she placed a comforting hand on his cheek.

 

“I promise I won't tell him.”

  
  
  
  


~~~~

  
  
  


The chair broke in two with a loud crash as it hit the floor. Arthur didn't watch it crack into pieces but instead punched the wall, feeling the pain rush through his hand. He leaned his body against the wall, letting himself sink down with his hand clutched tightly against his body. He felt trapped and consumed by his own self pity and his eyes were burning yet he refused to let himself cry. 

 

_ ‘No man is worth your tears,’  _ That’s what he always told his soldiers.

 

As soon as he’d seen Merlin and Morgana embrace the realization had hit him like an arrow to the heart. The two people he loved the most had betrayed him together. There was no ‘secret woman’, it was all a lie to keep Arthur distracted from the fact that Merlin was in love with his sister. And Morgana, she’d been acting so suspiciously the day before and it must have been because she knew. She knew but refused to tell him. Arthur wanted to scream, cry, break the rest of the chairs in the room, but instead he remained still, letting himself fall deeper into the rabbit hole which was his own mind. Suddenly he could hear the door creak, interrupting his racing thoughts as someone stepped into the room.

 

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, a clear concern in his voice.

The prince kept his head down, feeling as if every part of his being would break if he met the other man's eyes.

 

“Arthur are you hurt, what happened to the chair?”

 

The prince could feel his stomach twisting itself in a harder and harder knot as he heard Merlin walking closer. He wanted to run away and get lost enough so he wouldn't remember any of it. The confession, the dream and finally the dawning revelation. Perhaps if he forgot, the pain would go away and all the implications of it would follow.

 

“Get out,” He heard himself whisper in a voice that sounded nothing like his own.

But Merlin didn't get out. He walked up to Arthur and stood in front of him in silence. 

 

“I said get out!” Arthur roared, finally lifting his head up to meet Merlin's eyes.

The other man’s brows were furrowed in a mixture of confusion and worry. He wore the same clothes he had during breakfast but they were now wrinkled after a hard day of labour. 

 

“I saw you and Morgana, I heard everything,” Arthur spat out.

 

“You heard everything,” Merlin repeated, a blank stare on his face.

He took a shaky breath as his eyes shifted back and forth, trying to process Arthur’s words.

 

“I heard as much as I needed to, at least,” Arthur said and stood up, his face inches away from Merlin’s. 

 

The servant took a nervous step back and said in a low voice, “I didn't choose this, it wasn't my fault.”

 

“Didn't choose this?!” Arthur exclaimed, taking a step closer to the other man, “You have some nerve for a servant.” 

 

“Please,” Merlin begged, “If I could take it all back I would, I promise.”   
  


“Take it back? I can't imagine Morgana being too happy about that,” Arthur hissed, his words dripping in sarcasm.

 

Merlin shook his head, “What are you talking about?”

 

“Oh please, after the way she cuddled you up I can't assume anything else than that she accepted your feelings.”

 

Merlin stared at his friend, mouth slightly open and eyes wide in a state of utter confusion. He stayed like that until his mouth slowly started to turn into a smile. 

 

“You think i'm in love with Morgana,” He laughed, “You really are thick sometimes.”

 

Arthur took Merlin by his shirt, brining his face close to his own, “You think this is a joke?” He threatened. 

 

“I think you’re confused,” Merlin whispered angrily, his warm breath leaving a tingle on Arthurs skin. 

 

The prince tightened his grip on the other boys shirt, “I'm not confused.”   
  


“Really,” Merlin hissed, his eyes staying interlocked with Arthur’s. “Because first you pretend to be happy for me, then you act like this.”

 

“Beside,” Merlin continued, his words becoming increasingly heated, “Would it really have been such a tragedy if I was in love with Morgana?”

 

Arthur’s face turned sour, “I wouldn't allow it.” 

 

The dark haired man narrowed his eyes, giving the prince a biting look, “And why is that?” 

 

“You know why.” 

 

“I really don't.” Merlin insisted.

 

Arthur let go of Merlin, lightly pushing him away with his hand. He felt defeated, having no idea what to say next. There were no words, no reasonable explanation for this burning rage. 

 

_ ‘You know why’ _

 

“I hope the two of you are happy,” Arthur said instead, earning a groan from Merlin.

 

“I cannot believe you,” He exclaimed, placing his hands on Arthurs shoulders as if to wake him up from his own stupidity, “I'm not in love with Morgana, im in love with you, you half brained, arrogant, prick.” 

 

It was now Arthur’s turn to stare. He could feel his heart screaming in his chest and his face going warm. Suddenly it was as if everything had moved closer. Merlin with his hands on Arthur’s shoulders. Merlin with his blue gray eyes studying him, trying to figure him out. Merlin with his tender lips, a subtle shade of pink.    
  


“Nevermind,” The dark haired man mumbled as he let go of Arthurs shoulders, turning away to leave. 

 

Arthur felt his entire body aching from the lack of touch and on instinct he grabbed onto Merlin’s hand, pulling him back into his arms and crashing their lips together. The servant’s mouth was warm against his and it felt familiar in a way it shouldn't. It felt as if they’d done this a thousand times already, their bodies fitting together like two perfectly carved puzzle pieces. Merlin let his hands dig into the fabric of the prince’s shirt, tugging him closer. 

They deepened the kiss, their tongues brushing up against each other as Arthur opened his mouth with a low moan.

He let his hands rest on Merlin’s jawline as they pulled apart, breathless. The two men looked at each other, their lips aching and their cheeks blushing red. 

 

“Half brained, arrogant prick you said?” Arthur smiled, letting his thumb brush over Merlins bottom lip. 

 

“Shut up,” Merlin laughed, leaning in for a kiss once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,, And then they fucked, the end.
> 
> Okay but seriously, I want to thank everyone who left nice comments on the last chapter, it was really motivating and nice! I hoped yall had a good time reading this :)<3

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, thanks for reading this messy ass piece of frustrated 3AM writing. I really appreciate it<3<3


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